Getting through, but not ever over

I’m not sure I will ever get over the fact that I had breast cancer but I do know I got through it. Cancer changed my world forever. It caused real heartache, unimaginable physical pain, and even led to a blood clot!

It’s almost always on my mind. With every weird ache or twinge or pain I wonder “could this be it, could my cancer have already come back?” Then there are all the reminders… every morning to take my medication, make sure to schedule a follow-up with my oncologist every 6 months plus whatever scans and blood work he wants to run. Top that off with the physical reminders when I take a shower and look down and see scars where nipples once were, or when my bra doesn’t quite fit right anymore because my implants are not as malleable as natural breasts. Or the reminders every time I read an article about new cancer treatments, even if it’s not related to breast cancer, or every time I see pink ribbons or signs for the Race for a Cure.

It gets better with time for sure. Not everything I see related to breast cancer triggers an emotion or a reaction anymore. But the feeling of panic and sometimes sadness is always there, just below the surface. So no, I will probably never get over my cancer experience but I will continue to move forward.

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